I finally get out of bed at an indecent hour and have a sandwich. I sit down and decide to watch one of the Star Trek, The Next Generation episodes I have on my DVR. I love that show. I didn't even discover it until a few years ago. I'm not into the Shatner Star Trek and some of the movies are cool, but TNG is awesome. That's another blog for another time. Anyway, sandwich in hand, I start the first episode on the DVR list. It's an interesting one. The USS Enterprise is sent back to Star Base Something Whatever Gamma Two to retrieve some database that was left behind when it was frantically evacuated eight years ago because of some contrived techno babble reason that makes TNG so awesome. Commander Riker led the rescue mission and was transported out last and in the nick of time because of the something something positron field did something bad. He was cited for bravery and being such a sexy man beast (probably). They had to wait eight years to go back because of something something quasar cycles. When the away team beams down, GASP!, they find Riker is still on the base. There are two Rikers! Geordi and Data explain that during the escape, the transporter operator did something technical and a copy was made of Riker and bounced off the megatron field, down to the Star Base where he sat alone for these past eight years. The other Riker went on to grow a sweet beard and bone a bunch of hot alien chicks (among other things). Both Rikers come to terms with the different perspectives they have now from their totally different experiences even though they are the same guy. While I'm watching, they start one of those annoying emergency broadcast tests that totally kills my Star Trek groove and the date flashes. September 25th. Holy crap. I totally forgot about today. Most days, I'm vaguely aware of what day it is and today was no different. The difference is that today is the anniversary of a rather large mistake I gleefully made years ago. I try to be vague here. Details just tend to muddle things. I assure you, this mistake was a doozy. One of many I have made, just like all of us I would imagine.
The double Riker thing gets me to thinking about mistakes I've made. Things I have done but should not have, things I haven't done but should have. There are many. I have great difficulty connecting with myself from an earlier time. I can no better put myself in my 16 year old or 30 year old shoes than I can put myself in your shoes. I don't know you, I cannot relate to your experiences or ideas about things. I cannot do this with myself and I find that very odd. I still wonder. What would Bodhi Nobody be like had he not made some of those mistakes? How much different would my life had been? How would my personality be different? I cannot mourn these mistakes very much, because one of my most epic of mistakes is what brought me my wonderful and life fulfilling son. I have him completely full time, you see, and he is an amazing kid. That epic mistake is just about the only way I could have managed to be a full time parent with the absolute control over my son's destiny that I am so thankful for. The only other option would have been to get pregnant myself. That would have been hard to do and my penis hole would have never been the same after giving birth, but I digress.
Can I really regret my mistakes? They have made me exactly who I am today, and I like who I am. Some of my greatest mistakes have lead to very good things. My sometimes colossal mistakes have brought many good things to my being, beyond my amazing son and experiences as a single dad. My mistakes have forced me to look deep inside and see my true nature. They have guided me to meditate under the figurative bodhi tree with the Buddha. They have guided me back to my Methodist roots to hear the amazing philosophy of Jesus, to hear the sermons of Sam Powers, a man that somehow could look into MY heart and tell me exactly what I needed to hear to go out and be a better person (Sam has a good blog too, check it out at http://precedinggrace.blogspot.com/). The Buddha and Jesus were both kind of on the same page I have learned, but back on topic Mister ADD. My mistakes have lead me to learn to let things go, the shed anger, regret and hate. My mistakes have caused me to discover my artistic side, from physical art, to trying to learn to play music, to this blog someone is hopefully reading (if so, hello there and welcome!). My mistakes have designed ME, and I really like me.
Could I have been a wildland firefighter for the National Park Service? Could I have lived overseas after the Navy? Could I have stayed in the Navy? Could I have not screwed off in school so hard (2.2 GPA baby!) and attended West Point or the Naval Academy as I had dreamed of? Could I have played a sport in school? Could I have not married and divorced twice? Could I have not returned home after the Navy? Could I have not let go relationships that would have likely been emotionally fulfilling? Could I have attended college instead of enlisting? There were so many choices made, some good, some bad, some exceptionally bad. Every single one of those choices brought me to this day and to be this man.
In the TNG episode, abandoned Will Riker and Number One of the Enterprise Will Riker did not get along very well. They could not relate to each other. Genetically, they were the same man, but very different in every other way. Alternative universe Bodhi Nobody would be a completely different man. He could have been a globe trotting cowboy astronaut porn star or something totally rad, but he would not be me and I would not know this man.
In my quite amateur and limited knowledge, Taoists say to just let life happen and don't worry about it, the path is before you. Buddhists say don't get caught in the past or the future because you will miss the now. Christians say be anxious for nothing for the peace of God will guard your hearts. Jews say may the Schwartz be with you (I haven't gotten much further than Mel Brooks movies in my Judaism studies). These are all very good ways to see things, but that doesn't mean you don't ponder the possibilities from time to time.
Happy Day I Made a Vaguely Referenced Mistake Day everyone!
Could I have been a wildland firefighter for the National Park Service? Could I have lived overseas after the Navy? Could I have stayed in the Navy? Could I have not screwed off in school so hard (2.2 GPA baby!) and attended West Point or the Naval Academy as I had dreamed of? Could I have played a sport in school? Could I have not married and divorced twice? Could I have not returned home after the Navy? Could I have not let go relationships that would have likely been emotionally fulfilling? Could I have attended college instead of enlisting? There were so many choices made, some good, some bad, some exceptionally bad. Every single one of those choices brought me to this day and to be this man.
In the TNG episode, abandoned Will Riker and Number One of the Enterprise Will Riker did not get along very well. They could not relate to each other. Genetically, they were the same man, but very different in every other way. Alternative universe Bodhi Nobody would be a completely different man. He could have been a globe trotting cowboy astronaut porn star or something totally rad, but he would not be me and I would not know this man.
In my quite amateur and limited knowledge, Taoists say to just let life happen and don't worry about it, the path is before you. Buddhists say don't get caught in the past or the future because you will miss the now. Christians say be anxious for nothing for the peace of God will guard your hearts. Jews say may the Schwartz be with you (I haven't gotten much further than Mel Brooks movies in my Judaism studies). These are all very good ways to see things, but that doesn't mean you don't ponder the possibilities from time to time.
Happy Day I Made a Vaguely Referenced Mistake Day everyone!
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